Sum Frendly Unsolisited Advise

Forg.

Forg.

I’ve received this same exact comment spam several times, each time from a different sender. It’s always caught by my spam filter. I’m sure there are many other WordPress users getting the same nonsense and rightfully deleting it without ever reading it. However, I gave it a read-through and decided it would be fun to share and dissect this free unsolicited advice.

Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization.

Hello, Asshole Comment Spammer, I noticed that you lack basic grammar skills and have never bothered to read anything on this site. Otherwise you would know that SEO is entirely unimportant to me. Also, “SEO optimization” equals “Search Engine Optimization Optimization.”

On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO.

You are mistaken. If I was interested in drawing traffic to this site, I wouldn’t be using a free service and I would be writing about things that people other than myself care about. Furthermore, I think you need to re-tool your audience targeting tactics. If you’re trying to sell your service to people who already know about backlinks, pinging, RSS feeds, PageRank and Alexa Rankings, they likely already know all about SEO anyway. If you are targeting newer users who don’t already know about these things, your use of what is essentially “jargon” will only confuse them. Do some research.

So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword….wait there’s even more

Thanks for the handy free tips. However, you should probably stop recommending the usage of “bold” and “italics” since those are deprecated, and use “strong” and “emphasis” instead. Oh wait, there’s even more? Goodie!

Now what if i told you there was a simple WordPress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That’s right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at the website of some dickhole who believes, despite my frequent claims otherwise, that I actually want to draw traffic to this page, and whose page I will not ever link, and whose spammed comments I will never approve.

If you told me all that, I still wouldn’t care. Nor would I approve your comments. Nor would I link your website.

OHAI VIZITERS!

Apparently, people have been randomly directed to this blog by mysterious and probably malevolent forces. For those of you unfortunate enough to have been steered here by the whims of cruel, cruel Fate, yet who are kind enough to Like some aspect or other (usually it’s the pictures), I present to you a gift of frogs!

FAIV FORGS@!

FAIV FORGS@!

I believe there are 5 of them in this picture. Two of them are easy, two of them are partially obscured and one is a cheeky little monkey that could easily be mistaken for a clump of algae on a root. We’ve had up to 12 frogs at a time in our pond this year, which I believe is a record.

If anyone has actually been bothering to read any of my inane rambles (which are not generally intended for the world at large but are instead written with the assumption that they will be ignored and dismissed by anyone who stumbles across them), please do make use of the comments thingamabob. Engage in a heated debate over one of my topics! Criticize my artwork! Write a stream-of-consciousness haiku! Express yourself however you see fit! You can even leave a link to your blog or website or whatever, but I probably won’t approve those unless the website is particularly awesome or somehow relevant to whatever nonsense I’ve just spewed.

Persuite Of Nolij!

Started a new painting last night. I am not 100% decided on what colour to use for the body – probably going to go with varying amounts of Burnt Sienna and Titanium White rather than trying in vain to mix an accurate flesh colour with Yellow Ochre and tiny bits of blue and red. Burnt Sienna is the lazy man’s automatic flesh tone, pretty much, but on its own it’s kind of translucent. If you spread a layer of Burnt Sienna on top of another colour, the other colour shows through. Mixing it with a nice, thick white makes it nice and opaque and more or less flesh-coloured. I’m thinking I will use that as a base and then layer a bunch of glazes over top to make it glow. I want to try that kind of effect, I’ve seen it used in interesting ways by others but haven’t gotten it to work properly yet myself. Drying time is a factor – oily glazes take forever to dry, and while the thing is drying, you can’t do anything with it except wait. You can’t apply another coat until the most recent one is dry. I think the painting I will work on while that one is drying will use vivid purples and greens for the body. Not sure how it will work, but I want to use the two contrasting colours together for the figure – maybe the purple will be the “highlights” colour and the green will be the shadows. Or purple will be the left side and green will be the right. I dunno yet, gonna have to plan it out and see. Using two different colours together like that can add some interesting depth.

ITS' A FORG!!!!

ITS’ A FORG!!!!

Today’s photo: a frog. Relevance: it is green.